Cowboy boots and Tattoos

I grew up in Wyoming and so there was lots of cowboys and Western wear. I went to the Rodeo once when I was young with a friend of mine. I don’t remember what happened except that I was traumatized and have never been to one since. I did like to go horseback riding and wished that I could have had a horse when I was growing up. I was never interested in wearing any western wear. I also am not a country music fan. I wasn’t crazy about it growing up, but grew to like it even less in college, but that is another story. This summer though I have taken an interest in western wear. I started this summer by buying a western hat, not really a cowboy hat, more like Indiana Jones’ hat. Later I did buy myself a fancy cowboy hat and a cowboy belt buckle. I am saving up to have a belt made to go with the buckle. Or, it is more like I can’t decide what sort of design I want on the belt. It will probably take me awhile to decide. Of the designs so far, they all look so cool, but I also want something that is unique to me.

Anyway, I went into Boot Barn the other day for something that they didn’t have and ended up looking at boots. I have worn boots over the years, mostly plain black or brown, but have also worn Harley Davidson boots. I need some new boots and decided to look at what they had. I bought my first pair of cowboy boots. When I was looking at them I asked the lady why are there so many designs because when you wear them under your pant legs people can’t see them. She said she buys the boots for herself and it is kind of like her secret. She might show them to some people. It made me think of my tattoos. I have tattoos, but most people don’t know it. They are always shocked when they find out. I don’t have them placed where they are visible all the time like many people. I have them so that I can enjoy them, and I can show them to people if they are special enough to me. So, I totally get her thoughts about the cowboy boots. I ended up buying a pair and they are so comfortable that I can’t believe it. I may not want to ever wear anything else again. I have never had shoes or boots that were so comfortable. I went back today to look at another pair that I had seen the first day. They are also super comfortable but they are more money than I have ever spent on shoes in my life. I get that that pair is hand made and so way more work is put into them than some of the other boots I looked at while I was there.  I have never been a shoe person, but I have been looking at the wide variety of boots out there. I can see how they could be addicted having different designs to wear for different occasions. But, in a similar way to tattoos I am not going to be rash in my decision. They may not last forever like a tattoo, but with the cost they are going to be worn a lot, so I have to make sure that I really like them.  I have wanted another tattoo for a few years now but I can’t decide on a design. It takes me years to make that decision, and I might put it off for a little longer because I might get another pair of cowboy boots. They might not represent the story I am looking to tell in the tattoo, but they are definitely not permanent, so I don’t have to be as committed to them like I am my tattoos.

So, I've decided I really like cowboy boots. They may not have fit in my life before but they fit in my life now. I am glad I am always evolving, changing and open to try new things. 

Appreciation

Over the last few years I have learned more about appreciation and things I have taken for granted.

Hot water & showers- I grew up taking showers with hot water and for me it was just a given. When I moved to Malaysia I rented a room with bathroom in a boarding house and it did not come with hot water. I took cold showers for the first few months and it was so hard. Even though later in the day supposedly the sun would warm the water, since most people’s water tanks were on top of the house, the water was never warm. Plus, for many years now I have taken a shower in the morning, to help wake myself up and so that I am clean for the day. Taking a freezing cold shower each morning was hard. I was eventually able to convince my landlord to let me buy and install a hot water heater at least for the shower. Even though I am currently back in the US, I am still super grateful every morning for a hot shower. Besides hot water, I am grateful that I can take a shower. There were a couple times in Malaysia and once in Indonesia where I did not have water at all. In Malaysia I kept a plastic garbage can full of water (I bought it just for that purpose) so that I could at least take a scoop bath for the day. The one time in Indonesia I was able to go to the club where I worked out and used their locker room there.  When I went on the school’s week camping trip I was able to take a shower every day. It was cold water, but for a week it was doable because I was at least able to clean myself from all of our daily activities.  I thought that once I returned to the US that I would never be in a situation where I could not take a shower, but not longer after I moved into my current apartment I was. There were some issues with my shower and in the attempt to fix the shower the maintenance man did not read the directions. So, I was left without the ability to take a shower. The good news is that I was able to wash myself in the sink, but it just doesn’t quite do the job of a shower and since I was starting a new job, it wasn’t exactly how I imagined showing up to work. No one seemed to be the wiser though. Obviously I have never had to go weeks or months without a shower, but I know from just these few times how grateful I am that I can shower and be clean every day. I know that many people can’t and I am sure there are people out there that would gladly take a shower, even a cold one, so that they can be clean.

My own vehicle- Not long before I was supposed to get my learner’s permit I saw a horrific accident and thought I would never drive, but my parents made me learn anyway. After I turned 16 and had a license I was responsible for getting myself to my activities. I was very much used to that freedom when I moved to Malaysia and no longer had a vehicle at my disposal. My first year there I rode the school bus to school with the students because I lived in what was considered a small town in Asia (but a large city by US standards) and cabs were rare and difficult to get ahold of. Where once I had ridden a bus and thought it was normal, it was hard to go back to riding a bus and being on the bus driver’s schedule. Many times the bus driver was late and I had to wait and wait. Sometimes the bus driver didn’t show up at all and then I had to walk to school and I would be left arriving at school dripping sweat., not exactly how I wanted to start my day. If I wanted to do anything socially I had to rely on someone else to pick me up and then take me back. There was a small group of expats and only one other woman worked. So, if there was any social event the other ladies would not feel obligated to go home at a decent time since they didn’t have to get up the next morning for work. The second year I was able to find a lady and hired her to take me to and from work. That worked a little better. Still didn’t help much with things socially. Sometimes I would call for a cab and there would be all sorts of excuses like that isn’t too far, just walk (but it was too far to walk) or it is raining, so just walk. In Indonesia I had a vehicle again and I was very grateful not to have to rely on others to get me to or from work. Also, my social life was much more active and I could run errands whenever was convenient for me. There were also tons of cabs everywhere, so if there was a place that I couldn’t drive to myself it was very easy to get a cab. I was always willing to give rides to others who didn’t have a vehicle because I knew how it was to not have a vehicle. Towards the end of my time there my vehicle was in the shop for a week and I had to rely on a cab company. It wasn’t one I had used before and there were good most morning, but in the afternoons they would never come to pick me up. The last morning of that week they told me they had no cabs and that they weren’t going to have any available anytime soon. The good news is that I was able to get another cab, so that I could get to work. Back in the US, I have a vehicle again and I am so glad to have one. I am grateful for the freedom it brings me to run errands when I need to and get to work on time and leave work when I am done and not when someone else is ready to leave.

A home- Back when I was 28, my dad built me a custom built house. It was something that I had hoped that he would do for me someday, but I had no idea that it would work out so soon in my life. I enjoyed my home very much and thought I would live there for a very long time, but my life path changed and I went off to pursue my dream of teaching overseas. When I lived in Malaysia I rent a room with a bathroom in a boarding house. It was about the size of a dorm room and the landlord was pretty strict. I had to be quiet at all times and couldn’t have any company over. I went between sitting on my bed, to the computer chair to the little rattan chair beside the bed. I wasn’t allowed to cook, but I was able to have fridge and microwave, so I could make a few simple things like bowls of vegetables and sandwiches. (All of the other residents had vehicles and were single men, so they were used to eating all of their meals out.)  I also wasn’t allowed to come down to the kitchen if they had company or eat in my room, so sometimes that made the weekends very long when I was so hungry waiting for the company to leave. Many times I wished that I was back in the US in my nice, comfortable home. Although, I was grateful that I at least had a roof over my head because I know that some people don’t. In Indonesia I was in a townhouse that was brand new. It was much better than my room. It did have some problems with leaking when rainy season started and that made it kind of hard to constantly be cleaning up all the puddles. There were also some issues that it had like toilets that leaked and showers that leaked. It was hard to be patient because I was there an entire year and except for the first three months there, I had those problems the whole time and they got worse as time went on since they weren’t dealt with by the people who were supposed to take care of them. Now I am in an apartment complex. Part of me feels like I am back in college because of noisy neighbors, a tiny kitchen and having to use a laundry room to do laundry. I am grateful in both the house in Indonesia and now here that I have the ability to cook and bake again. Neither of them may have the kitchen I had in my home, but having a kitchen I can use is pretty nice. One of things I love to do and use as a stress reliever is to cook and bake. Not being able to do that for the two years in Malaysia was tough. It was hard to eat pretty much the same thing every meal for two years. All of these have taught me that even though I am grateful for a roof over my head that I should have appreciated my home even more. I am not doing my goals in the order I thought I would and I may never have a home again, but at least I got to live in it for a year.

Climate- I knew from my times visiting my grandparents in Minnesota and a trip to Wisconsin once that I wasn’t really a fan of humidity. I was told that the climate in Malaysia was much better and that I really wouldn’t mind the humidity. I didn’t like the heat and humidity the three years I was overseas. I disliked sweating and smelling every day. I didn’t like wearing wet clothes. Also, it took a long time for them to dry. I have sensitive skin and I had even more problems over there with the constant sweating.  Now that I am back in the US I appreciate the dry climate even better. Even though it was hot this summer it is now going to fall and things are getting colder. The other morning I was able to go for a very invigorating walk and breathe all that fresh air. I like being able to be active and really having to be active before I sweat, not just standing still. I also like the fact that I smell better because I don’t sweat all the time. I know that some people don’t like the cold, but I love it. I love wearing sweaters, slippers, hats, scarves and gloves. Being able to cuddle under tons of blankets to sleep. I didn’t sleep as well on top of the one bottom sheet over there as I do here under a couple of blankets. It is also nice to not have to run the a/c at night when I am sleeping. I could look out the window in Malaysia or Indonesia and think that it looked beautiful out, but when I went outside it never was. Here I can look out the window and think it is beautiful outside and when I actually go outside it really is beautiful. I like that I can also open the windows and get fresh air that isn’t hot and stuffy.

I am not saying that the US is better than Malaysia or Indonesia. There were lots of things that were great over there too. Over there I was able to do much more traveling around the countries that I lived in and to other countries that I wanted to see because things were so inexpensive and it was easy. Since I am back in the US I have realized that there were some things that I didn’t appreciate as much at the time when I was over there. I accepted a job and now I know some things I didn’t at the time I accepted the job. One of them is that I was able to live pretty comfortably money wise on my salary in both countries and have money to do some traveling.  Now I am in a position where I am barely able to make ends meet. So far I have been able to pay each bill and not have any debt, but I can see how if I get my haircut or do social things that it would be easy to do. I love to travel and there are several awesome places in the state that I live in that I would love to see, but right now all traveling is out. I always thought that with a college degree that I would never be in a position that I was living paycheck to paycheck just trying to take care of the essential bills. I can see how easy it can be for people to go into debt. Another thing I took for granted was planning time. I have always had at least 60 minutes of planning time, but in overseas sometimes I would have two hours total during the day so that I didn’t have much work that I had to take home or many days that I had to stay super late. At my current job I have about 30 minutes while my students go to specials, if I don’t have meetings. So, almost every day I stay late. I can see if I didn’t have to stay late or take work home I could get a part-time job to help make some extra money. Definitely thinking about getting a summer job to help make extra money for next year, so I can breathe a little more.

I have more I have been thinking about, but this is quite a long post, so I will quit there for now.

Three Years Later-Home

Lots of beautiful sunsets here

It has been almost three years since I left the US to live overseas and I am back in the US for the first time. So far, I don't think it has been too big of an adjustment. I have heard lots about reverse culture shock, but maybe I haven't been home long enough to feel it. I have noticed a few things that are different like all of the buildings seem very squat since only one building in my home town is seven stories and the rest are usually only one but are long and wide. We have way more land so we don't need to build tall buildings.

Not much traffic on the road

To get to a mall I have to drive at least two hours, but I am not much of a shopper, so that doesn't bother me. Things are spread out here, so it is pretty quiet. There are very few motorcycles and lots of large trucks. There is not much traffic on the road. It was easy switching back to driving on the other side of the road. I always struggled with knowing how wide the vehicle that I drove in Indonesia was and I was always afraid of running into things, but as soon as I got in my car over here I knew exactly how wide it was. The first day when my parents picked me up I did think a few times that my Dad was driving on the wrong side of the road.

View from a backyard 

There are tons of stops signs and stop lights around here and I have to stop more often. I also cannot pass cars that are going slow whenever I want. One of my first days here I was following my Dad home and I heard this funny noise, so I thought it was something wrong with his truck. He pulled over and so I pulled over. Anyway it was an emergency vehicle coming, but it wasn't a siren like they used to have. So, it reminded me I have to pull over for emergency vehicles. I don't remember the names of streets. So, when my parents try to give directions to places some I remember but others I don't remember and I kind of have to drive around until I find it. It is weird to go places and everyone speaks English and I know what they are saying. It is much harder not to eavesdrop on accident if people are speaking loudly. I love the fact that I know longer stick out and I blend in. I am not a center of attention type of person, so I like not having people staring and taking pictures of me. I do miss having people more covered up even if they aren't Muslim, especially some of the clothes people are wearing are not flattering and body parts are hanging out.

Onyx

The weather right now is beautiful. It is warm since it is summer, but it is not super hot and there is very little humidity. I don't sweat very often and I don't have to wear mosquito repellent. I smell better too because I don't have to eat lots of onions and garlic to help repel mosquitoes. I have missed my cats, so I am glad to be with them again. I will miss them when I have to leave them again. Snickers only took about a day to forgive me, let me pet her, slept on my lap and slept with me the second night. Onyx has taken two weeks to warm up to me, but yesterday she finally slept on me and next to me for a few hours.

Snickers

I have enjoyed being with my parents too. I have seen a few friends, but it is summer and I know many of them are busy with their summer plans. I had someone tell me that when I got not to expect too much from people because for some they don't have anything that exciting that they have done. Others have moved on with their lives and although they remember me I am not really apart of their life anymore. I did go to a music festival and I had lots of people who had blank looks on their faces when I said hi to them. It didn't bother me at all, but it was just kind of funny. I recognized and remembered all of them, but I guess I also knew that I would probably be running into them, whereas since they hadn't seen me for three years and probably not many of them knew I was back in town or expected to see me since I have been gone for three years.

I am enjoying having some of my favorite foods again, but am trying to be careful and not having any of the junk food that I didn't have available to me and that I have learned to live without. I do enjoy having good bread though. The few times I have been to restaurants the portions have been way to big for me.
Do I miss people I met overseas? I sure do. There are a few people I won't miss, but there are many I do miss. It is hard not to see them and talk to them everyday after doing it for a year or two, but that is part of moving around. I missed people a lot when I first moved overseas and then after awhile I still missed them but I missed them less.  It will be interesting as time goes on how I continue to adjust to being back in the US.

Bali

Sanur beach behind hotel 

I have been putting off going to Bali for a variety of reasons, but decided I better go soon so that I didn't put it off too long and never go. Especially since I am living in Indonesia and it is so close. It is less than an hour flight from where I live and it would be silly to not go while I am so close.

Temple at hotel 

We had Thursday and Friday off May 9 and 10, 2013. Thursday was a religious holiday and Friday was mid-term break. I went with a few friends and one of my friend's birthday was that Saturday. They moved our flight to 6:00 a.m. on Thursday morning so I had to leave my house by 4 a.m. to get to the airport in time.  I have never flown to any other places in Indonesia so it was interesting. The flight didn't actually leave at 6. We went through the boarding gate and then walked down these steps and outside and had to wait for a bus to come get us and drive us to the airplane. We had booked our tickets through a travel agent instead of the internet and their English was very limited. (I would have preferred the internet, but one of the other people wanted to do it this way.) So, I thought we had booked seats at the front, but we had to sit in the second to last row from the back. The back is my least favorite place to get sit because I get sick easily at the back of planes and I didn't feel that good having gotten up at 2:30 in the morning.

ARMA

Luckily the flight was very smooth and I felt fine when we landed. We also didn't crash which was good, because the day we had booked our flights a plane and overshot the runway and crashed into the ocean. We stayed in Sanur. We got to the hotel and only my room was ready because it was like 8:30 a.m. and check in wasn't actually until 2 p.m.We dropped everything off in my room and my roommate decided to take a nap while the rest of us went to get some food to eat.

After getting some food I went back to take a nap while others went to swim or take a nap. I slept for about an hour and then went up and down the beach looking at the different stalls and buying some gifts to take back with me. Once I got back my roommmate was finally up from sleeping so we walked down the beach for dinner while the other three people went to dinner. (There had been a bit of a problem between two of the people, so we had to split up most of the time.) My roommate and I walked quite a ways down the beach at at at Minami and had Sushi. After that we looked at some of the shops. I bought postcards to send to people. Then we went and sat on the beach. I like to sit on the beach at night to look at the stars and clouds and listen to the waves. We sat out for quite awhile and then we went back to the room. I went looking for ice cream while my roommate when to bed.

Friday morning we got up and three of us went to Ubud for the day while the other two went to the water park. First we went to ARMA (Agung Rai Museum of Art)  musuem and resort. The art did not really appeal to me ( a few pieces were ok), but I loved the buildings and the grounds. It was very beautiful there. After we had lunch there we went to the Monkey forest. I think monkeys are cute, but the people weren't very nice to the monkeys and I definitely didn't want them to climb on me or take any of my stuff.

Charlie

 Luckily they left me alone. After that we walked to the center of town and looked at as many shops as we could. We spent lots of time going back and forth because we would see something but want to think about it and then walk back if we decided we wanted to buy it. We didn't get very far up the street. We went to dinner at the Three Monkeys restaurant. Before we got to the restaurant we stopped by this Inn that has a fruit bat that lives there. His name is Charlie. My friend had stayed at that place before and had seen him. Supposedly he has something wrong with him, but he seems content to live there and people don't bother him. He does leave to go hunting and to fly but always comes back. At the Three Monkeys restaurant, I had an interesting pizza. It was caramelized onions, blue cheese and dried figs. It was ok, but I am glad I tried it. After dinner we walked to this one spot to watch Legong dancing, but they didn't have a show that night, so we backtracked to the Palace in the center and watched it there. It was really good and I really enjoyed it. After that we headed back to Sanur. There was lots more that I would have liked to have done in Ubud, but there was just not enough time. After we got back my roommate and I went back and sat on the beach. I stayed out much later than she did.

On Saturday morning I got up early while my roommate slept and joined the other people to travel to a jewelry store that had nice silver jewelry. We were there for a couple hours. After that we went back to our hotel. My roommate was still sleeping, so I joined one of the other ladies for lunch as it was her birthday. We walked back down to Minami and had sushi again. I tried Sake for the first time. After that we kept walking down the beach. Apparently there are some hotels that let women go topless on the beach. Then we walked back into town and stopped at some shops my friend had seen before but had been closed. On our way back to the hotel there were all these people dressed in white and lots of them were sitting on the beach. Obviously there was some sort of ceremony going on so we stayed for awhile and watch. My roommate got up during that time and went back to Minami to read while I got ready for dinner. We all went to dinner together as it was my one friend's birthday. We went to an Italian restaurant, Massimo for dinner. It was very, very good. There were between 5 and 10 other birthdays that night. They kept turning off the lights to bring out cakes and sing happy birthday. My friend didn't want that so we didn't do it. After we got back I wanted to sit out on the beach one last time but it was too crowded and noisy.

On Sunday I basically got up and got ready, packing my bags while my roommate slept. We didn't all fly down together so my roommate's flight wasn't until later. They had moved the rest of our flights up from 5:30 p.m. to 1:45 p.m. After I finished packing I wrote my postcards and then went and sat out on the beach. We had to take two different cabs as we wouldn't all fit in one. So, I left with two of my friends and then my roommate and my other friend took another cab shortly after us.

So, overall it was a nice trip and I am glad I did it.

Chopsticks and My Favorite Part of the Day

Chopsticks

California roll (front) 

Last Sunday April 21st I went with a friend to Sushi Hana my first time really having sushi. I tried a California roll once but I don't know that it was really sushi, a friend made it.  So, this time I had real sushi. I know that some people are surprised that I have lived here for almost three years and haven't had sushi. There was one place in the town I lived in Malaysia that had sushi. It was owned by the parents of one of our students. For a period of time we tried it at school (as we didn't have a cafeteria we had food brought in). I was worried about getting food poisoning though as I didn't know how long the food would be sitting out  before it reached school. Also, at some time in the past I read and article about people getting food poisoning and other I think, maybe salmonella or something from sushi and read that it was bad to eat raw fish. Plus, I grew up way inland in the US and so fresh fish was rare and frozen fish was expensive. I did grow up fishing in Minnesota when I visited my grandparents but we only caught little sunfish, and I don't remember that I ever really liked the taste.

Chicken Teriyaki

 I am very picky about how fish tastes. If it is what I consider fishy I won't eat it. There was one restaurant in the town I lived in Malaysia that had really fresh fish and it was great. Other restaurants I tried in Malaysia still had that fishy flavor. Anyway back to Sushi Hana.

pan fried dumplings

We went there and I got the California roll, Chicken Teriyaki roll and also pan fried dumplings. I also tried one of my friend's smoked salmon rolls and pickled ginger. I liked everything that I tried. My friend also showed me how to use chopsticks. I have tried using chopsticks many times before but never got it. Well, I don't know if how she does it is slightly different or not, but I was finally able to use chopsticks. I know it is a little thing but I was really happy that I finally was able to use chopsticks. I need to buy some and continue to use them when I eat at home so that I don't lose the ability to use them. 

My Favorite Part of the Day in Indonesia

My favorite part of the day in Indonesia is in the morning on the way to work. Where I live in Indonesia there are security guards at the entrance of every neighborhood. They are also at the entrance of many businesses. I have to go through three sets of security guards stations on the way to work. The first is as I am exiting my neighborhood. The second is actually a road block that they make most people go around. Since the sign is in Indonesian I don’t know why the road is blocked. It is blocked from 10p.m. to 8a.m. The last is the entrance to work. The reason I love this part of my day is because it starts the day off with a smile.  Whenever I see the guards I always smile really big and wave enthusiastically. They all respond in kind. Sometimes when they see my vehicle they will all gather and then I will have around 10 Indonesian men smiling and waving enthusiastically to me. I always roll down my window and call out “Selamat Pagi” . Another thing I like is that they are not reserved in telling me I am beautiful.  I don’t hear it all the time but I do hear it at least once a week. Not that I never heard in back in the US but I hear it way more here. It is also nice because I consider Asian people very beautiful and it is nice to hear that to some of them I am also beautiful in my own way.
I think it also makes me feel good because when I lived in Malaysia I was not able to exercise as I didn't have access to a gym and it was super hot and humid outside. Plus, I didn't really like the people that followed me in their vehicles when I was walking around the neighborhood.


 So, I didn't have much to do and put on weight. Since I have lived in Indonesia I have access to a club with a gym that is super close to my house. The club also has a pool and I love, love to swim. I have been swimming almost every day. That is my favorite thing about Indonesia is that I can swim outside 365 days a year if I want to do that. So, I have lost lots of weight and am in better shape than I was in Malaysia. In the US even though for the last several years news, media, people have been talking about that we need to not all be skinny people and that different sizes are beautiful, etc. there is still lots pressure to be skinny and look a certain way. There maybe that pressure in other countries, but as an outsider I don't feel that pressure. Sure, it is hard for me to find clothes that fit or are long enough, but it doesn't bother me like it did when I first moved overseas. I have also gotten more use to people staring at me when I am out and about. I hate being the center of attention and like to blend in the background, but I realize I stick out and it is part of living in Asia. I think I am more comfortable since people have told me that I am beautiful that they are not staring at me because I am ugly, but they think I am beautiful in my own way.

Weakness is a Strength or Not?

I read this blog post about weakness as a strength and it has been tumbling around in my head ever since. I thought it was an interesting perspective and at first I thought I disagreed.  I really enjoy reading Adrienne's thoughts and they are inspiring. There have been several that have made me dig down deep and really look at things I have not looked at for awhile. To pick up things that have gotten dusty and brushed them off to see what is underneath all the dust.

I have been composing a response the last few days and just now I went to re-read the post to make sure I address all the different things I disagree with and now I have picked up on some things I didn’t notice the first time. So, maybe it is not that I disagree but instead that a person needs to have people to be ok with them showing vulnerability. I know from experience and observations of others that the same behavior or traits is not acceptable in everyone. It could be a positive trait or negative. One person might get away with being lazy because they are very charming. While another person might be just as lazy but not charming so they don’t get away with it. (There are many examples but that is the first one that came to my head.) So, in order to show vulnerability a person needs people that support in that way, not saying that people can’t be supportive in other ways, but in order to feel comfortable showing vulnerability a person has to have the other person think it is ok. I realize now that that is what I haven’t had. I have grown up with people always expecting me to be the strong one and to not complain or be vulnerable. So, since people expect that of me if I show the smallest bit of vulnerability they don’t react positively. I have shown it in trust, but many people have abused my trust over the years (taking that vulnerability and using it against me to get something they want) and it has actually widened the gap rather than bringing us together.  I am a person that will trust easily when I first meet people, but if you hurt my trust it will take a long time to ever get it back. But for this post if I don’t even dwell on when I was growing up but just in the last 3 years I see that I am still expected to be strong.

Last fall I reached out to a few people about some problems, letting just a tad of vulnerability show and the response I got from all of them was that I needed to be stronger. I know that I have always been friends with people older than myself and most of the time people think I am older than I am, so I think sometimes people forget that I am not as old as they are. The people I turned to are older than me and have lived overseas much longer than me and have way more experiences than I have. So, I don’t know if they have forgotten being fairly new to overseas and what they really felt like experiencing problems or they really think I am just a wimp for thinking that the problems I have experienced are bigger than stubbing my toe. After showing just that tad bit and getting that response I haven’t shown any more because I know now with those people it is not welcome.

Even with the death of my grandpa earlier this month I stayed strong and didn’t show how much of an effect it had on me. I went to work every day and if it hadn’t been for one person who I finally told because she was perceptive enough to pick up on my wearing all black and looking not so upbeat, no one would have ever known. I was still given that it happens to everyone and it is just part of living overseas. So, I stayed strong at school and waited until I got to my house where no one could see me before I gave into my tears and sadness.

I rarely show vulnerability to people back home. They think that I am brave to be living overseas and many of them admire that I had the guts to do it. I rarely post about problems I have experiences living overseas or I joke about it like it is no big deal because I am trying to show strength to those people back home. I don’t want them to think it is hard and I can’t handle it. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. (There is more of a back-story there for another time.) I have friends who a missionaries in Africa and they tell people back home about the good and bad, but for them it is ok. People are ok with it and send them words of encouragement. I wonder sometimes if they weren’t missionaries would they still get words of encouragement when they deal with a difficulty living overseas.

I took a risk awhile back and showed some vulnerability on my blog after I was inspired by the Where am I from poem. I have had lots and lots of people read that poem, but not a single person has left a comment. It has made me a little nervous. There has been no encouragement and I don’t know what people think. I don’t know if they see it as positive thing or negative thing. Part of me wishes that I had never been caught up in the moment of writing a poem for the first time in years and the encouragement to post it on my blog. Sometimes I worry that it will have a negative impact on me, but it is there for all to see. Even if I took it down now, so many people have already seen it.

For the last few months I have been trying to make a big life decision. It has been hard. I have thought that people back home might think that I am not strong if I choose path A over path B. I have also thought about the people that I look up to overseas that they will think I am not strong enough if I choose path A. But then I realized that to the people I look up to overseas I am just a small blip on their screen and they are not my support system. They do support me in some ways and are a great PLN, but they don't provide it in some areas where I need support. We are in different places in our lives and have different ideas about things, so I shouldn’t make a decision based on how I am worried that they will view me as weak. As for the people back home, well I have done what most of them have only dreamed about and when I am an old lady looking back at my life I will have no regrets. I have done all the things that I set out to do. Now I can just enjoy the rest of life’s ride. So, it shouldn’t matter then what they think of my decision. I also have a better support system back home. There are those people that I can be vulnerable with: my parents, brother, and best friend who always have my back whether I am strong or weak.

So, my take away is that for some people it is ok to show vulnerability and for others it is not unless they have someone who is ok with that and gives them the support to be vulnerable.

Indonesian-Chinese Wedding

On Saturday, March 2, 2013 I went to the wedding of a relative of one of my colleagues. It was another wonderful experience that I will never forget. I got to be included in the family part of the activities so got to see lots of the behind the scenes. I met my colleague/friend early in the morning about 7:45a.m. to travel to the bride's parents' house. We were ushered upstairs to the bride's room where she was just sitting and waiting for things to start. She looked like a beautiful doll, all made up. She had to get up at 3:00a.m. to start with makeup and everything. She had a ball gown type dress and it looked like it was heavy.

Then we went out the kitchen area, so that she could keep relaxing. Set out on the counter where items that were for the rituals/traditions they were going to be participating in. Everything is done in red and gold. The red bowl of rice with the coins is thrown at the groom when he arrives at the house. He has someone holding an umbrella overhead so that he is not hurt when it is thrown. It is for good fortune. The wine glasses the bride and groom will drink from after they see each other for the first time. They will also eat some food. In the larger bowls is two hard boiled eggs for fertility. Noodles for long life and some mushrooms. In the smaller bowls are figs, which they eat to give them energy. The tea cups will be filled and presented to the parents and grandparents. While the Mom's and grandma's give the bride bracelets or necklaces, gold, and the fathers and grandpa's will give the groom ampang (money).

Waiting for her groom

After that I went back in the bedroom with the bride's parents and photographer. The parents take the veil and place it over the bride's face. Then, they help her stand up and position her with her back to the door that the groom will come in through. After they got her positioned I went outside to wait for the groom. He arrived in a car with the groom's men. He brought her bouquet for her. It had pink, gold, and purple roses. After he got out of the car the father's oldest sister threw the rice and coins at him. He was wearing white gloves.

Being led to his bride

After that his parents each take an arm and escort him into the house. Before the reached the bride's room they turn him around and walk him into the room backwards so they start with each other back to back and then they slowly turn around. People who are still single are not supposed to be in the room and see the bride and groom see each other for the first time because it is said that then that person will not marry. I decided to take the chance and be in there will my friend waited outside. After they were turned around. The groom kissed the bride's hand and arm and gave her the bouquet of flowers. Then, he removed her veil from her face and kissed her on the forehead. She removed the glove from his right hand, but he wore the white glove on his left hand for the rest of the day. Next came the drinking of the beverage in the wine glasses. They opted not to go with wine, but fanta instead. The beverage was room temperature and I think was a bit stronger of flavor than the bride was expecting so it made her cough a bit. First, they took a sip of their own glasses and then they gave each other a drink of the others glass at the same time, after that they hooked arms and twisted their arms so they could drink out of their own glass again.  Next, they were given the noodle, hard boiled eggs, and mushroom dish. They fed each other the eggs. They ate with chopsticks. They don't break the noodles because to not break the noodles leads to long lives. After that they shared the figs.

One put the fig between their lips and the other took a bite. After that the bride's parents came in and they offered the tea or fanta (I couldn't see) to the parents. Next, the Mom gave the bride a gold necklace and the Dad gave the groom the ampang. Once that was done the three bride's maids and three groom's men joined them. The bride's maids stood next to the bride and the groom's men gave his bride's maid a kiss on the hand and then handed her the ball of flowers. The groom's men's ties match the bride's maids dresses. Once they had finished that they went downstairs to the living room and presented the tea cups to more older relative and were given more necklaces or bracelets and ampang. Once all the morning ceremonies were over they wedding part headed off to the church for the church ceremony. I didn't attend because it was a regular Christian church ceremony and was all in Indonesian, (so I wouldn't have understood any of it even if I am familiar with them). I stayed with the part of the family that didn't go and we ate lunch. I went back to my house for a short period of time before I was picked up for the reception. I changed clothes since everyone was going to be dressed nicer. That morning I wore my white baju kurung with purple flowers and in the evening I wore my fancier baju kurung that was purple. I wasn't sure if it was an occasion where I needed to be really covered like in Malaysia, plus I don't have many fancy outfits here. It was a good thing I love purple and already have two purple outfits to wear so I fit right in.

The reception was at the Zhang palace. It looks ok from the outside but it very fancy on the inside. It was also decorated really nicely. The family signed in and received their souvenir gift. They got one for me too. Both the invitation and souvenir were Korean themed but nothing else was. We arrived a little early so we got to see part of the rehearsal. The bride had take off her sheer top that went over her top, so now her neck and shoulders were bare. She switched from the long gloves to fancy arm guards. She had her hair in a different up-do with flowers by her ears and the veil was gone. She also had a different clip in her hair and a tiara. The groom still had on his left glove. They took some pictures. They took one with the grandma and all of the children (siblings of my friend's dad). Then they took a picture with all of the grandchildren and great grand children. I was put in that picture and I ended up next to the groom. It is a large family. After that the family went to their tables and the bride, groom and parents left the room. Once most people arrived then the reception began. It started with both sets of parent's being announced and walking up the center aisle. After that came the bride and groom. They asked the bride and groom some questions in Indonesian and then they gave them each a wine bottle filled with fanta or a red liquid. People used to have the double happiness symbol, but this couple had the word love. They poured their bottle of red liquid into the two openings so that it filled the love up. The bride hesitated a few times at the end because it looked like it was going to overflow. The groom finished first. I was told who ever finished first that is the sex of their first baby. (I noticed as the night went on the level of liquid went down, but I couldn't see where it was going. There wasn't an exit that I could see.)

After that both sets of parents joined the bride and groom on the stage and they were all given the cocktail glasses filled with the fanta. We all stood up and toasted them. They had a several acts throughout the night. It started with a man and a woman that sang love songs in English. They sang on and off throughout the night. We started the several course meal. I didn't eat many of the dishes since I am not much of a seafood person and I am kind of hesitant having seafood in setting like that since it is hard to know how long the food has sat out before being served. While we started with the first dish a man came in carrying a woman over his shoulder that had a turnkey on her back. He wound her up and they danced to a Brittney Spear's song. After that the hair and make up guy, who is very famous here, came and sang a song. I guess that is part of his deal. Is that he always comes to the reception and sings a song. With his hair, makeup and outfit I almost felt like I was back in the 80's. He kind of reminded me of Tina Turner back then. (There is this huge mechanical arm in most of my pictures since they were video taping everything.) After the hair dresser's song, two ladies came in and sang in Chinese. They were wearing the same dress but sang solos. Next was the tango by two couples. (They had quite a mix of entertainment.) Then we watched a video of the earlier part of the wedding day. I was in one shot where I was in the bride's room looking on. It was a shock because I didn't even know that I was being recorded.
I am not quite sure why they use swords, but they used a sword to cut the massive cake, just like my student did at her Sweet 17 birthday party. They shared a piece of cake and then they gave a piece to their elders. That too is similar to the Sweet 17 birthday party I attended. It is showing a sign of respect for the elders. After that the two female singers came back out together in flapper type dresses and sang another song in Chinese. Followed by a couple who did the salsa. After that the parents and bride and groom came up and drew for the prizes they were giving away. Another commonality to the Sweet 17 birthday party. They gave away some nice phones and a diamond necklace. That was pretty much the end. The whole time during the entertainment we were eating and my friend and I tried to visit between courses but they always play music so loud in Indonesia.  Not many of her family speak English so I could no visit with many of them and get to know them. Some of them thought I was very beautiful, so they wanted to take quite a few pictures with me. I had a wonderful time and glad that I was able to experience this occasion and get a behind the scenes glimpse at the traditions.