I am from Rapid City
My paternal grandma didn’t want me named Sara Elizabeth
Instead I am Melanie from Gone with the Wind
Mom went back to work part time
when I was 6 months
an elderly couple took care of me
My Dad started commuting to Gillette
Not knowing the strange man (Dad)
who took my Mom’s attention from me on weekends
My Mom decided she didn’t want me to not know my Dad
So we joined him in Gillette
I am from Harder Drive
Attending Paintbrush with two best friends
The 80’s were the best
Even with a broken leg trying to be a trapeze artist
stitches in the back of my head as a spectator at a rock
fight
and a brother 6 years younger than me
I am from Clarion Drive
Later known to me by others as snob knob
on the golf course
I picked the Victorian house
with a huge attic and enough room for a cat,
the most awesome Pepper, who lived to be 20.
I am from Stocktrail as my second elementary school
the girl that was picked on every day
The girl who they ran away from in the daily game of “run
away”
who admitted I liked a boy and then was made fun in front of
the whole lunchroom
who didn’t learn and admitted I liked other boys and was
teased
with the suddenly “stick my finger in a light socket” curly
hair, no longer skinny,
glasses, nice jewelry, a big house
The girl who was shy
Who was always so nice that people used me
Whose Mom didn’t understand why I would cry
From deciding I would not cry in front of others to
I will not cry
I am from writing letters and pen pals
wanting to tell my story to others
to have friends and loved ones far away
who did not judge me or treat me mean
but in college as I grappled with my identity
letters from a friend hurt me
and we never were the same
I have hung on to those letters for some reason
I still put ink to paper and get super excited
when a letter comes in the mail
I am from books, music (everything but country)
and mostly old movies
the escape from life
the journeys I take in my mind
where no one is mean
the imagination I have built up is so vivid
if I would just write them all down
I think I could be a Stephen King or Dean Koontz
I am from ballet
15 years I was in dance
of costumes and make up once a year for the recital
achieving pointe the week of my 16th birthday
knowing I will never be a prima ballerina
not skinny or talented enough
struggling to look at myself in the mirror to make sure my
body was correct
because it meant looking at me
sometimes being made fun of
but during the dance another place of escape
finally stopping when I was an adult and there were no
classes for my age and level
so in a class with teenage girls who didn’t really care and wasted my time
and money
drove me nuts, for the first time I wasn’t in a recital
and when the year ended I was done
I still dance for fun around the house
but nothing structured anymore
I am from Sage Valley Junior High and Campbell County High
School
where I was still picked on and used
boys still acting like they liked me and then teasing me in
front of large groups
Still made fun of for my hair, glasses, average weight,
clothes,
and because I didn’t smoke or drink
Still helping people all the time no matter how mean they
were to me
from hours spent in the darkroom playing with the images I
captured
building up a wall that no one could scale
I am from piano, choir, band and color guard
always hoping I would be a very talented musician
wanting to compose some piece that would speak to people
but always just average
I am BHSU
where I was so unhappy and forgotten most of the time
from wanting it to be the end
but somehow to keep going
I thought at the time that I was protected by an angel
from crushes that just saw me as one of the guys
and asked me to help them with the girls they liked
to the one that wanted to marry me for a green card
and the un-welcomed pressure to be like the rest
to finding my best friend
but sometimes feeling she doesn’t need me very much
I am from heart surgery
surprise since I had perfect attendance 1st-10th & 12th
grade
always super healthy
fear by everyone else
death? pacemaker? fixed no problems?
Me, calm thinking if it was time to go it was time to go
the end result was the best scenario
I am from graduating in 2002
no jobs to be had
people weren’t retiring
they wanted people with experience
from substituting wondering if I was meant to be a teacher
it was my dream from the age of 5
to thinking that no one will ever take my dreams away from
me
I am from the ink on my back
it tells a unfinished story
someday I am sure I will add more
only special people can see it
people are always shocked when they find out
it doesn’t fit their stereotype for me
I am from going back to BHSU
to being in a poetry class where my poems were ripped apart
and my heart stomped on
to living off campus and two boys competing for me
and the pressure to be like the rest
I am from graduating in 2005
from driving all over the western US
going to job fairs and interviews
living with my parents while I looked for a teaching job
so grateful that they are so wonderful to me
I am from Burley
my first teaching job
the best job but so lonely
not really a community with people my age
two major religious groups and I wasn’t either
so far away from my family
or it seemed so far away at the time
I am from my paternal grandma dying my first year of
teaching
telling her it was ok
I was a teacher
I wasn’t getting married anytime soon
she didn’t need to keep hanging on
I am from Gillette
Moved back
from my Dad building my custom built home
a good job
people picking on me because I wouldn’t play the game
back to the same mentality by others that I didn’t fit in
from feeling the pressure to get married and have children
I am from Kuantan
achieving my dream of living and teaching overseas
getting to experience a whole other culture and different
religions
learning so many things and meeting so many great people
living in a little room
very limited
very lonely
from traveling to other countries
achieving the lifelong dream of my Dad and I going to
Australia
I am from Surabaya
part of me has really grown
and it questions what I believe in
lots of different ideas and thoughts out there
part of me is still the same
wanting to be part of the popular group
even on twitter
always thinking that I will never catch up
they are always older and wiser than me
being so nice and helpful that people use me
telling myself that I am strong and don’t need anyone
still wanting to find a great group of friends
thankful for my parents and maternal grandparents
missing my best friend
my brother and I are not close
I am envious of him and how awesome he is
my home has sold so I can never go back
still looking for my place in the world
striving to achieve my dreams
looking for my special someone
hoping he is out there
I am from today
wondering what the future will hold
what my next step is
wondering if I will be alone for the rest of my life
will I ever find a group of friends
ever not be picked on
not used
from the confidence that I am loved by my family
that I am a nice person
but the insecurity of my looks
wearing nice clothes and hardly ever looking in the mirror
that I will never be skinny enough or pretty enough for
people
that the guys will always pick the skinny, petite, beautiful
girls
from the scars on my body from Teton Science camp, heart
surgery
and other various activities where I didn’t cry or complain
they remind me I am brave and strong
thinking more about the end of my parent’s lives
sad that as I live this unintended gypsy life
I leave pieces of my heart all over this world
I am from this moment
Writing a poem for the first time in years
thinking: is it good?
can I share it?
will people like it?
will they hurt my heart?
by: Melanie February 3, 2013
* This poem does not mean that I don't have any friends. I just don't have a large group friends that I am super close with. Not all people are the same and some have one or two close friends rather than a large group of close friends. Nor does it mean that I don't get along well with others. We are all different people. This poem is only a small part of me and not encompassing of every aspect of me and the whole story is not told for the purpose of this poem (I focused more on the challenges). Poems can also be the hardest to interpret. The poet can write meaning one thing and different people will interpret them in a variety of ways, so I am aware this poem could be interpreted in ways I haven't thought about. I am a pretty happy person and don't regret any of my life. It has been years since I have written any poems and this was a good challenge for me. I welcome any comments.
* This poem does not mean that I don't have any friends. I just don't have a large group friends that I am super close with. Not all people are the same and some have one or two close friends rather than a large group of close friends. Nor does it mean that I don't get along well with others. We are all different people. This poem is only a small part of me and not encompassing of every aspect of me and the whole story is not told for the purpose of this poem (I focused more on the challenges). Poems can also be the hardest to interpret. The poet can write meaning one thing and different people will interpret them in a variety of ways, so I am aware this poem could be interpreted in ways I haven't thought about. I am a pretty happy person and don't regret any of my life. It has been years since I have written any poems and this was a good challenge for me. I welcome any comments.
